Ten years ago, if you asked me if this is how I pictured my life would turn out when I was 25 years old, I would have laughed in your face. The visions I had for my future as a teenager were far-fetched, yet absolutely attainable in the long run. I could have sworn I’d have it all by now. I could have sworn I would be in a successful relationship, live on my own, have a solid income, be debt-free, the best event manager, showstopper, and have a long list of novels written and published on my resume. I had big dreams for myself. I still have big dreams for myself, I always had. I set the bar high for myself, and perhaps that could be one of the reasons I’ve fallen short of my many goals.
But, right now, at this very moment in time, I’m content or may be I am not, I really dont know. I can’t say this is where I want to stay forever, but I’m trying to be happy. After all, happiness is a mood and not a destination. It’s a feeling, but it’s never permanent, and ya know what? That’s okay. Once you figure out that happiness is sometimes fleeting and sometimes temporary, you live your life a lot differently. You make yourself prepared for all the unfortunate and uninvited events. Instead of becoming bitter towards life because not everything grants me happiness, I’ve embraced all of life’s mishaps. At 25, I have my friends who keep me grounded, I have a brother whom I look after completely, I have my parents but they dont live with me, most importantly I have my education and my brains and I have a good job. Some people don’t have any of that.
Too often we take the little things for granted. I could complain forever about working overtime and handling everything at an age where I should have been out there amongst people of my age. I could complain about not being able to go out on weekends with my friends because I work in retail. I could complain about how 80% of my friends make more money than I do. I could complain about living for 10 years without parents. I could complain about never having enjoyed childhood, I could complain about still being alone and always being the one taking responsibilities. But then the truth of the matter is, some people don’t have the opportunity to even see their family. Some people would kill for a job, while I have one. I don’t have much, but between all of the aforementioned, and the people I choose to surround myself with daily, I am pretty blessed, and it is within all of these people that I hope I do have a lot.
Twenty four was a good year. With each year that passes, I’ve found that I’ve been trying hard to slowly weed out the negativity in my life. This past year was no different. Of course, there are always negative days and moments, but it was within this past year that I tried to weed out the negative people completely – people that held me back, people that didn’t accept me for who I am, people who believed in other things than I do, and who punished me for my beliefs, people who were just no good for me.
I have a lot to look forward to this upcoming year, and I couldn’t be more excited for it all to unravel. Life is not perfect. It’s never been for me, but I will always be eternally grateful towards the people who have made each and every year a good one.
And to answer my own question – although I am not where I necessarily want to be, I am definitely who I want to be.
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