Although I am not where I necessarily want to be, I hope I am definitely trying who I want to be...!!

Ten years ago, if you asked me if this is how I pictured my life would turn out when I was 25 years old, I would have laughed in your face. The visions I had for my future as a teenager were far-fetched, yet absolutely attainable in the long run. I could have sworn I’d have it all by now. I could have sworn I would be in a successful relationship, live on my own, have a solid income, be debt-free, the best event manager, showstopper, and have a long list of novels written and published on my resume. I had big dreams for myself. I still have big dreams for myself, I always had. I set the bar high for myself, and perhaps that could be one of the reasons I’ve fallen short of my many goals.
But, right now, at this very moment in time, I’m content or may be I am not, I really dont know. I can’t say this is where I want to stay forever, but I’m trying to be happy. After all, happiness is a mood and not a destination. It’s a feeling, but it’s never permanent, and ya know what? That’s okay. Once you figure out that happiness is sometimes fleeting and sometimes temporary, you live your life a lot differently. You make yourself prepared for all the unfortunate and uninvited events. Instead of becoming bitter towards life because not everything grants me happiness, I’ve embraced all of life’s mishaps. At 25, I have my friends who keep me grounded, I have a brother whom I look after completely, I have my parents but they dont live with me, most importantly I have my education and my brains and I have a good job. Some people don’t have any of that.
Too often we take the little things for granted. I could complain forever about working overtime and handling everything at an age where I should have been out there amongst people of my age. I could complain about not being able to go out on weekends with my friends because I work in retail. I could complain about how 80% of my friends make more money than I do. I could complain about living for 10 years without parents. I could complain about never having enjoyed childhood, I could complain about still being alone and always being the one taking responsibilities. But then the truth of the matter is, some people don’t have the opportunity to even see their family. Some people would kill for a job, while I have one. I don’t have much, but between all of the aforementioned, and the people I choose to surround myself with daily, I am pretty blessed, and it is within all of these people that I hope I do have a lot.
Twenty four was a good year. With each year that passes, I’ve found that I’ve been trying hard to slowly weed out the negativity in my life. This past year was no different. Of course, there are always negative days and moments, but it was within this past year that I tried to weed out the negative people completely – people that held me back, people that didn’t accept me for who I am, people who believed in other things than I do, and who punished me for my beliefs, people who were just no good for me.
I have a lot to look forward to this upcoming year, and I couldn’t be more excited for it all to unravel. Life is not perfect. It’s never been for me, but I will always be eternally grateful towards the people who have made each and every year a good one.
And to answer my own question – although I am not where I necessarily want to be, I am definitely who I want to be.

In Search of Myself...!

As I’m sure you guys have read my blog countless times before, I am boggled by our human nature to believe in the longevity of time. We always think we have more time. More time to leave what could get done today until tomorrow. More time to accomplish our goals. More time to make amends. More time to come to terms with our past. More time to get it right. But that’s the problem – we always think we have time. But, how much of a grasp of the concept of time do we really have? Life can be so unpredictable; time can be taken away just as easily as it is to count on it. I did the same. I always pushed things to a later date (using it as an element of Time) and therefore couldn’t always write what I felt. Though I never kept it inside me, It doesn’t even mean that I started blabbering about it to gain sympathy.  Because if I did that then none of that will do justice to actually going through it firsthand how it feels like.

When I moved into this new house; it was great, but today I wished I would have never moved in here. Today I wish I would have never moved into this city. Today I wish I would have never grown up. Today I wish the world should have come to an end on 12/12/12. I had so many friends made in my past. They were friends since ages always there next to me whenever I needed them or say whenever I never wanted them to be around; irrespective of both the conditions they were always there. When I try to even get in touch with some of my new friends today in this new town then it’s nothing less than a Herculean task.

The only thing I like about my life today is the silence around me. I love walking alone on the streets with my Car keys bouncing against my leg softly as I allow the winds, the trees, and the sun to wash away my loneliness. Sometimes I think what is so soothing about being near to these things; maybe it is because even they never had anyone feeling them… May be they are as lonely as I am….!!