I am suddenly feeling lonely.

I have lived in this city for the past seven years and never felt the need to go find friends. I had an awesome group of friends. But things happened and I have moved on. I have not felt the need to go out and make any friends because I had so much going on in my life.

I have a social phobia and I can usually manage. Since quite a long time it has been a nice and peaceful time.I have enjoyed this whole staying at home and not having to be around people unless I wanted to.

But suddenly today I have got Company. Loneliness and Boredom. Its been time that I am dealing with it; wondering how to get over with it. But this gut wrenching painful loneliness is still here accompanied by boredom today, it’s like they're playing good cop, bad cop, one flanked on either side of me; loneliness on my right and boredom on my left.

You might probably wonder which ones bad cop and which is good, so I’ll tell you; boredom is good cop and loneliness bad.

Why? Well because boredom has a much less aggressive presence than loneliness. I can often handle boredom's company, let him linger for a while, until something draws him away from me. But today he stayed along with loneliness, never leaving me to myself.

I don’t really enjoy my time alone because I get sucked into my black hole of depressive thinking and I wallow in my own self pity for too long, I can almost do it for days if I’m alone that long.

It’s very hard to escape the clutches of these, i suppose tonight I’ll be sharing my bed with loneliness, until I fall asleep, at that point I’ll be in my own little bubble away from him, this time alone is the only time I cherish because when I’m sleeping I cant think and when I don’t think I don’t work myself up by over thinking everything. This little time is precious.

Sleep is an escape from being myself.

But I always wake up and loneliness is back.

I wonder who he'll bring with him tomorrow...